Are You Going To Start Cheating the Day After Mother's Day?

On the day after Mother’s Day, there’s a spike in registration of married women to infidelity-matchmaking services.

Kind of amazing, but the day after mothers are supposed to be celebrated, appreciated and fêted for doing all that they do, they are actively seeking appreciation and adoration from someone else – someone who’s not their spouse!

Clearly, something is amiss with Mother’s Day. But is it really just about Mother’s Day?

Mother’s Day carries big expectations of wanting to really be acknowledged for all the zillions of things we do as mothers.

And when we don’t feel valued or ‘seen’ for all the caring, giving, fetching, planning, shopping, etc, it can feel like a disappointment – which easily shifts into resentment.

On top of that, add the unique demands of being a mompreneur. You’re not just trying to keep the family ship sailing smoothly, you’re trying to run a business at the same time. Steering two ships at once, all the time.

We mompreneurs do so much! Right there in our job title are two positions. There’s no way that one day – Mother’s Day – can fill up our completely natural need to be valued, appreciated, respected and honored for all the we are, and do.

The superficial way to look at the “moms-checking-out-infidelity-websites” issue, is to re-invent Mother’s Day and give our spouse and kids tips on how better to celebrate us on that day.  There’s a whole industry built on finding lovely ways for our family to say they appreciate and love us – festive brunches, gorgeous flowers and heartfelt cards. Now don’t get me wrong, these traditions are wonderful! I certainly wouldn’t want to pass up on them – but there’s got to be more – because just one day of “you’re an awesome mom” can’t cut it.

The real issue of mompreneurs being appreciated is much deeper.

We want our families to show their appreciation and gratitude all year long.  We want them to say “thank you” that we’ve schlepped them to yet another after-school event or college tour. We deserve a standing ovation that dinner even exists on the table. We deserve a diploma for simply figuring out everyone’s schedule and making it all work.  We need our spouse to acknowledge and support the vision that we have for our business and see how it’s a huge contribution to the family, not a drain.

There has to be an underlying culture of mom-appreciation and mom-value. But how do we create that culture of mom-appreciation year round?

It’s a three-step process:

1. Train your family to express their gratitude – ask to be valued!

Nope, it’s not cheating at all! You don’t have to wait ‘til appreciation bubbles forth from your spouse or kids unsolicited.

A simple “I’ll take a thanks Mom (or Honey)  for doing the…dishes, carpool, etc.” will do. It draws their attention to what you’ve done and gives them an easy way to acknowledge it. It doesn’t matter that they didn’t initiate it. They’ll learn, just set the example.

2. Share your work challenges and accomplishments.

Mompreneurs can tend to keep their day to day work to themselves and yet your kids and spouse certainly feel the impact of you running your own business.

If you share your goals, your challenges and your accomplishments your family is more able to really appreciate what you are creating and appreciate your entrepreneurial ways versus just seeing your business simply as a time-thief – taking you away from the family.)

2. Train yourself to appreciate, respect and take-care of yourself!

The real place that the mom-appreciation culture comes from is within.

If we as moms don’t value our selves enough, if we don’t acknowledge and appreciate all that we do, if we don’t treat ourselves with respect and kindness, if we don’t model what it looks like to take the very best care of ourselves – we can’t train our family to do the same. It’s about modeling…and it begins with you.

Moms notoriously put themselves last on the to-do list, if we even get on our list at all! But investing time and energy on yourself, doing what makes you feel your best teaches you the art of self-love and self-appreciation. Valuing yourself with radical self-care is not a luxury. Investing in yourself will shift how you feel about yourself, which affects how everyone else sees you!

When you see yourself as a mogul mom, so do those around you. When you see yourself as the smokin’ hot mom that you are, that’s how you’ll be perceived.

So this Mother’s day:

  • Ask specifically for what you want so you aren’t disappointed
  • Do something for yourself that acknowledges your powerful role as a mom and mompreneur.
  • Make everyday mother’s day so that each and every day you are honored by yourself and those around you.

About the author:

Nina Manolson, M.A. CHHC is the Smokin’ Hot Mom Mentor who helps busy moms create a positive and healthy relationship with their body, food and life. Her free CD “The 7 Steps to Being A Smokin’ Hot Mom” is available at SmokinHotMom.com.

Nina Manolson

Founder at Smokin' Hot Mom
Nina Manolson, M.A. CHHC is the Smokin’ Hot Mom Mentor who helps busy moms create a positive and healthy relationship with their body, food and life. Her free CD “The 7 Steps to Being A Smokin’ Hot Mom” is available at SmokinHotMom.com.

Previous

Next

4 Comments

  1. Nina Manolson

    Jessica,

    Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us!

    Nina

    Reply
  2. Jessica

    I find it really sad that this is happening – why do so many women place responsibility for their own happiness on the people around them? This seems as a case of insecurity or narcissism. And JUST on one particular day for that matter? Why not learn to feel like an amazing “Mommy” all throughout the year?

    Marriage is a give + give.. not give + take.. you get what you put into it. It’s about open communication, not validation. When I married my husband, I never assumed he’d be Prince charming or some type of dotting partner. He’s a man – why would I want to “teach” him how to be a better one?

    If you really want your partner / family to shower you with affection and love, try taking the focus off yourself and start focusing on what you both need as a whole. Does he know what your love language is? Do you know his? I find women have such a sense of unjustified entitlement that they set themselves up for disappointment. More of us have huge expectations of ourselves, our lives and everyone in them. We think the universe resolves around us, with a deluded sense of our own fabulousness, because we put so much time into our own ventures and work SO hard.

    I’m a career mom with two young boys, I work 10 hour days, and I still have to come home, cook dinner, clean the house and make sure everything is running smoothly. I’ve made a choice to live my life this way, because as much as I feel the need to be the best mother I can be, I know that I’ve been gifted with talents that I can’t put to use as a housewife… life is busy, and we have our issues just like anyone else. However, there are two things that I will never go without, constant communication with my partner, and a steadfast relationship with God.

    Mother’s day comes around and I have absolutely no expectations.. I spend 2 hours or more in bed, I come down to make my favorite breakfast for everyone and get myself pampered if I want to… my husband and kids, well if they’d like to get me a card, flowers or a gift – it’s up to them. Our relationship is built on the journey, not a day in itself.

    Reply
  3. Sarah Clachar @ Your Healthy Home Biz

    Nina, what a terrific post. I always bridle when I see the diamond commercials – for me, they scream making up for all the little acts of kindness and appreciation that weren’t there.

    You give some terrific suggestions for how to set the tone differently so that your household is one that fosters love and appreciation – not resentment.

    I especially appreciate the point you make about taking control and teaching your children (and spouse) how to appreciate you on a more daily basis and using communication to help them understand how much we do. Often enough, the lack of appreciation comes from simply not really seeing all the work that goes into what they take for granted.

    And when it comes to some self-care and teaching appreciation, nothing does more good in this area than handing out some assignments. I’m a big advocate of chores. Funny enough, not only does it give mom a break but it also gives our children so much more. A sense of responsibility and self-respect as well as skills and problem solving capacity.

    Great post.

    Reply
    • Nina Manolson

      Thanks Sarah!

      I’m with you on the chores! I know it can tiring to be “on” your kids about doing them, but I see it as a long term investment in responsibility and self-respect – just like you said!

      Nina

      Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Pin It on Pinterest